Love- Till it happens to you
by CoCo94
Summary: Emily and Alison will find back together but it wont be easy! Rated M for future Chapters
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

This is set after graduation from Rosewood High

 _Five years later_

She was looking in the mirror and what she sees pleases her in every way. She is still the beautiful girl form five years ago, Alison DiLaurentis hasn't changed a bit. Her blond hair fell in golden curls over her shoulders around her perfect face, which had just enough make up on it to look marvellous. Her sparkling blue eyes were mirroring her appearance. She was living in Paris for five years, five years without any contact to her former friends from Rosewood nor her family, five years without contact to Emily Fields. Every morning she wishes she could just pick up her phone and call her. But then again she just didn't know what to say. What do you say to the only human being you know loved you unconditionally no matter what, and you broke their heart in the most painful way possible? _Exactly..._

"Stop it! You have to move on, and now you have to go to work." Alison took a deep breath, grabbed her purse and locked her apartment. After she stopped for a coffee, without her first coffee in the morning she was useless. (This reminded her of Spencer Hastings, one of her closest friends in Paris because she was just another caffeine addict too. A small smile escaped her lips.) She gave the waitress 10€ which was way to much for her cappuccino and left her regular coffee shop _L'_ _Amore_ _._ Her office was just 15 minutes by foot away form her apartment, in the heart of Paris. You could ask how on earth can a 24 year old girl effort such an office in central Paris and the answer is quite simple: Alison had luck, for once in her life she had luck.

After she left Rosewood or you can say after she left Emily, she knew that there is no way in going back. She knew that she broke the brunettes heart, but what was worse she knew at that very moment she broke her own heart too. She had to leave as far away as possible to escape the pain, the overwhelming pain inside her heart.

So she crashed at a friends house in Paris (CeCe Drake was always a good friend to her) and was a shadow of herself. Alison DiLaurents former Queen Bee from Rosewood High couldn't take it no more. All strength was gone. Empty inside, lifeless.

After weeks of alcohol and depression CeCe told her:

" _Alison Lauren DiLaurentis! I can't take it no more." Alison wasn't paying attention, she was still in bed and had a huge hangover from the previous night. All you could hear was a groan. "Alison will you look at me? You have to stop! You can't do this to yourself any longer. This self pity person under the covers isn't you." Alison rolled her eyes "Stop screaming so loud my head is killing me CeCe." She tried to blink the spinning image of CeCe away, but it wouldn't stop._

" _Oh honey you should be glad that its only you're head who is killing you not me right now! Do you know how you got home?" Alison shook her head. "No?, I can tell you why, because you drank so much I was at the edge of calling an ambulance!" CeCe run her fingers through her hair and was looking at the blond angry. Suddenly Ali whispered "CeCe I want it to stop, please, please, please make it stop hurting so bad, please!" The desperation in Alisons voice was significant. "Oh sweetie." CeCe embraced Alison in a loving hug and patted her head. "It will, in time it will...I promise it will all be okay." CeCe was the only person who saw the real Alison, the Alison who showed weakness and vulnerability. In presence of CeCe Ali could just be herself._

 _So she was sobbing into her best friends shoulder._

 _After some time CeCe whispered "You should write about it Ali. You did it as a teenager remember your diary? So maybe it will help you to process everything and you'll find some closure." Alison stopped sobbing and looked at CeCe. "A diary? Are you fucking serious?!" She was laughing hysterically. After several minutes she calmed down and gave it a thought: Should she really write about it? Was CeCe right? But this pain in her chest was so omnipresent how could she probably ignore it, and concentrate on writing? She was so lost in her thoughts until she heard a voice.."Ali? Hello Ali?" "Y..Yes?" "Maybe before you start you should take this aspirins and get a shower, will you?", CeCe asked sweetly. Like on autopilot Ali took a huge gulp of the water with aspirin in it and went to shower. Her mind still occupied with CeCe's absurd suggestion to write about Emily's and her story. The hot water cascades over her exhausted body, she washed away the last bit of alcohol from the night before. She secretly loved to write when she was young. Nobody knew Alis passion for writing, it was an escape of reality. After 30 minutes she was dressed and CeCe gone. She found a note on the bed: I'm back in the evening. Think about it. I love you Ali, no matter how hard it gets. CeCe_

 _A small smile escaped her lips and 10 minutes later with a hot mug of coffee on her desk, she found herself writing: **Till it happens to you**_

So here she was, a 24 year old girl with a best-seller and a lot of money thanks to CeCe. She published the book after writing constantly for two years. She told herself over and over again it has to be perfect and is has to be nothing but the truth. She has to be honest with herself in order to live with herself in the future in peace. And everything in that book was the truth. Her pain, her love, her faults, everything on paper written in black and white. After she gave her script to a successful book publishing company, and they told her she has written a genius love story (it wasn't exactly a love story because there was no happy ending...YET) and they wanted her story published as soon as possible her whole world turned up side down. The only condition for her part was a pen name (Estella, as the character in Dickens) because she didn't want her name on the book and because she didn't want to be recognised on the streets. Her first priority was her anonymity, because she wanted not to be found by any of her friends or family especially not by Emily. She is still scared of her reaction for leaving, her feelings and the book of course. But still she couldn't resist and chose the name from the Dickens Story, because as she read lines out of it in presence of Emily the most wonderful moment in her life happened. Emily dared to kiss her. A sweet innocent kiss. They both were still kids but at that very moment Alison knew Emily was more than a friend and it scared the shit out of her! So she did what has to be done: she pushed Emily away. But her heart arches Emily Fields so she hopped in some way she will come in contact with the book and remembers that special moment.

 _They were both sitting in the library at their lunch break. Ali was looking for one special book. "There it is", she said sweetly. The sound of her voice made Emily's knees go weak. "Can I read you something, Em? " "Sure." Emily sat down next to Ali and was looking in bright blue eyes were you get lost in. This blue was like the ocean, if you looked into them you could drown._

 _She begin to read and Emily's attention was back on her voice. Her heart racing like wild inside her ribcage she thought it must be so laud, Ali surly heard it._

 _Alison began to read..._

" _I loved her against reason._

 _Against promise._

 _Against peace._

 _Against hope, against happiness._

 _Against all discouragement that could be._

 _Pip loved Estella and in the end Pip gets Estella."_

 _She closed her eyes and heard herself saying: That's why I love you. You're big on happy endings, Em."_

 _Emily was under the spell of Ali's voice and Ali was smiling at her. Did she just said she loved her?! At that moment Emily took all the courage she had and kissed Alison fully on the lips. It was like a firework she felt every cell awakening and her whole body was on fire. In her stomach was a foreign feeling but she could tell she liked it. It felt like one million butterflies flying inside. And Ali's lips were ever so soft. It was one of the moments you'll never forget ever. Her first kiss._

 _Ali was feeling exactly the same about Emily. She closed her eyes and felt Emily's perfect lips on hers. It was the best feeling ever. It felt naturally and so so good, just right. Her whole world stopped for a second. Eventually she felt alive like she could breath freely. She never felt that happy before._

 _And then she remembered were they where: in the school library were anybody could see them and she stopped kissing Emily. She pulled back and the feeling was gone as fast as it started. Alison smiled at Emily and just like that walked away. Walked away from a very confused but happy Emily. If only she knew at that time Alison was feeling the same she did._

She was always better in running away from serious conflicts, so she didn't have to confront her emotions, didn't have to admit that she's scared, (because Alison DiLaurentis is Alison fucking DiLaurentis!) that she's vulnerable and capable of love. Love was for weak people! In reality it was the greatest power you can get, but unfortunately she recognised it far too late. Loving someone is what gives us life, but being loved back is the reason we live...love makes the ordinary extraordinary. And Emily Fields was _THE_ girl who made the ordinary extraordinary. She was everything Ali ever wanted, and yet she was too scared of love at that point in her life. She made the biggest mistake one could make. She lost the love of her life.

Everything was still new for her. Her book was out for three months and from day two it was and still is on top of the best-seller lists. So her chef told her she could use a real office where she can write and make appointments, and of course she will have her own apartment. And in order to not forget any important meetings or appointments she should have an assistant. That's how she met Spencer Hastings her assistant.

"Good morning Spence, any meetings today? Please say no I'm having a bad day..."

"Morning Ali, fortunately for you, no today is nothing planed."

Ali sighed "thank god!" and threw herself on the couch. Her office was quite cosy, bright daylight illuminating the room throw the windows, two desks with computers and comfortable office chairs and a small kitchen. The kitchen is provided with a great coffee machine (they are both caffeine addicts remember?)

"What's wrong with today Ali?" Spencer was raising an eyebrow. Nobody made Ali to trust them, but Spencer was different. She hadn't asked her about her personal life and Ali was more than grateful, because she hates curious people. Why is everybody putting their noses in business they should stay out of? After five weeks lots of work and lots of extra hours Ali liked Spencer. Just like that. She liked her and she trusted her. She felt like Spencer was her sister, she never had. And trusting her was the best thing to happen to Ali. So one night she told her why she escaped from Rosewood to Paris.

" _I think we worked enough for today, what do you think Spence?", Spencer was looking at the E- Mail folder which contains more than 250 new E-Mails since Ali's book was out. Many suggestions for TV shows and interviews for magazines, radios or news papers. To have an overview was nearly impossible. Spencer was jawing and stretching her arms over her head "Yes, I think we deserve a drink now at least. You know this great bar at the end of the street? I think it's called_ The pink Elephant."

" _Yeah I heard about it, let's go?"_

" _Yes, let me get my cote." Spencer was smiling._

 _They got a table near the bar and ordered two Cosmos._

 _They talked about random themes like which other books were good and what they liked about Paris the most since Ali haven't seen much until now they found another topic to speak about._

" _So tell me Ali, what does a beautiful, young, smart girl like you does in a city like Paris alone?"_

 _Sometimes people ask the wrong questions at the wrong time and sometimes just the right one's. After now her third Cosmo Ali willingly answered Spencer's question. She felt a bit dizzy from the alcohol but she knew exactly what she was doing. It was the right moment to ask her because her mind and her heart couldn't take it any more. She felt like a bottle with a cork, only seconds before the cork will blow out of it. It was the first time she told a stranger (not totally strange) her story._

" _You really wanna know? It's going to be a long story..."Ali said with a hint of sadness in her voice._

" _No problem I have plenty of time, Spencer winked. She saw the sadness in this big blue eyes of Ali's, something she saw a lot since she worked for her as an assistant and had always wondered why, but never dared to ask. Just the right amount of alcohol gave her enough guts._

" _Here we go"...Alison took a deep breath, closed her eyes and as she opened them again she began to talk in a sad voice, a sadness Spencer never heard before in her entirely life..._

 _Emily_

"Hanna! Come on you said just looking and now we're in hear for over an hour...", Emily sighed heavily. Hanna and shopping, especially in Victoria Secrets was never just looking. Why on earth had she agreed on going with the blond? Ah right because she is her best friend since high school and she loves her. "Em, would you please stop ruining my mood? I'm almost done...what do you say?"

Hanna came out of the changing room in nothing but black lingerie. She looked amazing. The podgy girl from high school was gone and now Hanna was a very attractive and confident woman, with curves in all the right places. "Yo...you look breathtaking Han", Emily stumbled. "You mean I look fucking hot!" Hanna was saying with a raised eyebrow. "Yeah, you're sexy." Emily said with love in her voice.

"Still shy sometimes, are we?" Hanna said with an amused voice. "Shut up!" Emily was blushing helplessly. "You're so sweet when you blush, if I wasn't into boys...you would be my first choice."

Em rolled her eyes, "I know you told me like 200 times already, and again thanks Han, but seriously I'm starving, can you hurry please?"

After five more minutes Hanna was fully dressed and paying for her piece of cloth.

"Caleb will make eyes, when I'm wearing it", she chuckled. Emily simply nodded. "He will."

They linked arms and went to The River, a great place for good food, which both girls love.

After ordering their usual Em asked "How's work? Still everything how you imagined it?"

"Oh my god Em! It's like a dream came true I love everything. Hanna got a job at a big designer in New York City, Emily always forgets his name. _Karl Lagerfeld_ right that was his name. And she was working at a company. One of his many.

"You know, when I make it till August without a mistake they told me I can make a trip to Paris, because Paris is THE metropolis of Fashion" Hanna said with excitement.

"WHAT?!" You're kidding...", Emilys mouth dropped.

"No Em, I'm telling you two more weeks without a fault and we're going to Paris."

"Han! That's awesome...wait...we? Have you said WE?"

"They told me I could bring a friend and since you always wanted to visit Paris..."

Emily jumped of her chair and embraced the blond in a big long hug. "I can't believe it...wow Paris...

And every time Emily thinks of Paris her thoughts went to a certain blond with sparkling blue eyes like the ocean. She wonders what Alison is doing at this very moment...

Fuck way can't she just forget the stupid blond who broke her heart in a million pieces? Because she still loved her and for people you love you don't stop caring. So Emily was still hugging Hanna, as she realises she spaced out again. "Sorry Hanna..." Suddenly there was an odd tension in the air.

"I know you're thinking about her, I can tell by the look in your eyes, Em.

"Sorry I just thought about Paris and what she told me once." She said in a cloudy voice.

 _"You and me in sweet Paris...you'd look so good on top of the Eiffel Tower, wind in your hair," Ali says, before moving over to where Em is and letting their hands brush._

 _"How long are we going away for?" Emily asks shyly._

 _"How about forever?" Ali replies with shining eyes and a big smile._

Emily thought it was one of those moments where it really felt like Ali might cared for her. But as usual it was just another sick game of hers, because she knew Emily cared more than a friend for her.

Hanna took Emily's hand "I know she did horrible things to you, and I know its still hard for you to talk about it, but you know I'm always here for you, right?"

"Yes, I know and that's why I love you so much!"

"I love you too. So, you and me in Paris, sounds like a lot of fun!"

"I bet we'll have!" Emily was now smiling from ear to ear. She really wanted to visit Paris and this was the one and only change to get there.

She worked as a swim coach pretty successful, but her salary was way to small for buying a plane ticket to Paris. So she was just happy to go with Hanna.

"Should we get the bill? I think Caleb is waiting for me," Hanna said with a provocative smile.

"Sure.", Emily smiled back.

After she dropped Hanna off, she drove home. The streets of New York were still full, because this city was always awake no matter what time it was. And she was again thinking of Alison, would she be awake? Was she all right? Was she alone or with someone? Where was she? Questions over questions in Emily's head. She hadn't seen the blond in five years, after she disappeared without a trace, which by the way broke her heart for the second time. Both times Alison was the reason. Of course this blond girl was the reason, this blond girl she fell in love head over heals when she was 14 years old. And still she had a hold over her as if she was a goddess. And sometimes Emily wonders if she'll be able to ever love again, because when Alison disappeared she took her heart and all her love with her.

She _hates_ herself for still loving the blond.

"For gods sake Fields get a grip!" She was shouting angrily and hit the steering wheel hard. Emily tried to have relationships after Alison but failed all miserably. No other girl was capable to fill in the emptiness inside her chest, to mend her broken heart.

She parked her car, closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "Stop being a fool. She never loved you and she never will. Get over her!"

With that statement she left her car and went inside her flat.

Alison never loved anybody, she didn't know how. She just collected love from other people.

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP...a lazy hand was coming out under the covers and shot the alarm off. 7am a groan escaped Emilys mouth. It was way to early for her to get to work but after last night and all the devastating memories she needs to clear her mind. And what will be better than a morning run? So she heaved herself out of bed and put some running cloth on. After she checked her phone..no missing calls or messages, she plugged her headphones in and left.

A mild breeze surrounded her while Eminem was shouting _high off her love, drunk from her hate, it's like I'm huffin' paint, and I love her the more I suffer, I suffocate and right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates..._ icyblue eyes were hunting her...

Emilys feet speeded up and she was breathing heavily while the song continued _You ever love somebody so much, you can barely breathe when you're with 'em?_

 _You meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'em, got that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah them chills used to get 'em. Now you're getting fucking sick of looking at 'em._ Suddenly she stopped and found herself in front of a book store, looking at one particular book right in the middle of the shop window. Maybe it was the song or maybe just a coincident or both, but she felt her heart skipped a beat as she was looking through the window. Emily hold her breath while reading in flourish print _**Till it happens to you**_ by Estella. Near by was a description of author and book:

" _I think you still love me, but we can't escape the fact that I'm not good enough for you. You deserve better. I knew this was going to happen. So I'm not blaming you if you'll fall in love with another woman. I'm not angry, either. I should be, but I'm not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong", she would have said._

 _ **Love** _

_Till it happens to you you don't know how it feels._

" _You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you're not part of their happiness". -Estella_

This extraordinary story written by newcomer Estella from Paris will mesmerize your mind in a way you'll only experience by reading.

Emily was still starring at the book, an odd feeling run through her chest. She remembered Alison telling her the exact same words a long time ago, but that couldn't be her...right? _It couldn't be HER!_ She shook her head turned around and continued her run. After several minutes the feeling was gone and the blasting music all over her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi guys sorry it took me so long. I made holidays in Amsterdam for a week. This city is so fucking crazy but I love it, definitely a visit worth. Currently there's an event called Euro Pride 2016 and it's all about equality. There was so much love and support between everybody and that's how it should be all over the world. Love is love no matter what gender you are or in what you believe. We are all only humans.**

 **They played this song: Tiësto & Don Diablo "Chemicals" check it out ;) **

**I forgot to introduce myself: I'm Corinna 22 from Germany you can guess English is not my native language so I'm sorry for any mistakes. I hope you enjoy this chapter let me know what you think**.

Chapter 2

Emily

 _I was sitting by my window seat crossing my arms, my body language indicating to fuck off. "I can't Em... DON'T you Em' me right now Alison!" I was nearly shouting. Thank god my mother wasn't home. "Please try to understand I can't stay here, too much happened I **have** to leave Rosewood." She was kneeling in front of me trying to calm me down looking beautiful as always. "There are things you wouldn't understand and sometimes it's better not to know..." "That's not your call to make Alison! Why don't you try to explain it? Why do I always have the feeling you're not telling me the truth? Every time we make one step forward we make two backwards. You know how frustrating this messed up friendship or relationship call it what ever you want, is?!" I couldn't stand watching her so I looked out of the window._

" _Emily you are- Emily please would you look at me?" Her voice soft but demanding she slowly moved her right hand towards my chin holding it up so I had to look her in the eyes. Her blue eyes were definitely my weakness and as always I felt a shiver running down my spine whenever Ali touched my skin._

" _Emily you are the only person I can be completely honest with, the only person I trust, were I can be the real me. It's positive but also negative I'm scared I will fall back into old habits. I'm scared if you see all of me that you will run for the hills! And I couldn't take it if you leave me because I made you leave." I could see the heartbreaking truth in these words but I refused to let it be reality. "But I **LOVE** you. Isn't that enough? Nothing could stop me from loving you Alison! My heart is beating because of you." I took her hand and guided it towards my heart. Her soft fingers burning through the fabric of my thin shirt. _

_She closed her eyes and sucked air in._

" _I_ _know_ _you still love me, but we can't escape the fact that I'm not_ _good_ _enough for you._ _You deserve better_ _Emily you deserve so much better_ _!_ _I knew this was going to happen. So I'm not blaming you_ _if you'll_ _fall in love with another_ _girl_ _when time passes_ _. I'm not angry, either. I should be, but I'm not. I just.."_ _by now Alison was crying._

" _Please don't leave me again..."_ _I_ _was also sobbing_ _my_ _words barley a whisper. "Please don't..",_ _I_ _was pleading with closed eyes._ _Our_ _foreheads were resting on each other._ _I_ _could smell this oh so delicious scent of_ _hers_ _. Strawberries and something that was pure Alison._ _My_ _Alison._ _I_ _leaned in for a kiss and hoped that it will change_ _her_ _mind somehow. To_ _my_ _surprise Alison closed the gap between_ _our_ _lips_ _before I could_ _and kissed_ _me_ _with such a desperation_ _it nearly made my furious beating heart stop_ _. Just for a second_ _I_ _thought_ _I_ _did it._ _I_ _talked Alison out of leaving. But than_ _she_ _pulled back and_ _I_ _could see in_ _her_ _icy_ _blue eyes nothing but steely determination._ _It was a goodbye kiss._

" _I_ _love you too, but I can't be selfish this time. I have to let go..."Alison tried to untangle_ _my_ _hand from_ _hers_ _but_ _I_ _wouldn't_ _and couldn't_ _let go. "No please Alison no, no, no, no"_ _I_ _was crying and sobbing so hard_ _I_ _could barley breath. "I have to go..."Alison said in a low tone without emotion. She had her mask back on._ _I_ _tried with the last bit of strength to hold the blond back but without success._ _I_ _heard the_ click _of_ _the_ _door._

 _Alison was gone leaving behind a broken_ _me_ _._

Emily woke up dripping with sweat and breathing heavy. She hates this memory so much. Every time it hurts more to know Alison loved her but she couldn't let herself act on her feelings.

Emily checked the time it was 8pm on a Friday night. She must have fallen asleep on the couch after work.

She got up undressed herself and took a quick shower. Afterwards she found an oversized Rosewood High T-shirt to wear and made her way to her kitchen, made some coffee and decided to text Hanna. She sat down on her couch again in one hand her cup of coffee in the other her phone.

 **Hey Han,**

 **I'm not sure if I can come with you to Paris tomorrow. I feel kind of sick. Sorry xx Em**

She knew it sounds like a pathetic excuse and it was a pathetic excuse but she wasn't ready to visit Paris. Not after this painful nightmare with Alison in it and all the memories which were reopened because of it.

Time went by and Emily felt more and more guilty for letting Hanna somehow down. She wasn't paying attention to the movie playing on the screen and her coffee was by now cold.

As if her "second" best friend could hear her conscience fighting inside her if cancelling on Hanna was the right thing to do Aria called Em.

 _A: Hey Em, how are you sweetie?_

 _E: Hey Ar, I'm good. How's Ezra doing everything going well?_

 _A: Ezra is fine. Listen Em, I know something's wrong Hanna called me last week and told me you had a relapse. Is that true?_

 _E: She did not?! (Em rolled her eyes one of her favourite thing's when she's angry or annoyed)_

 _A: I can see you rolling your eyes through the phone Emily. You haven't answered my question yet. So?_

 _E:I ähm..maybe..yes I did. There. Happy? I admit it. I dreamed about her last night Aria. I can't get her image out of my fucking head!_

 _A: Emily stop please, tell me you did not cancel on Hanna because of her and the connection to Paris? You know maybe it's good if you go maybe you can finally leave everything behind what connects you with her if you face your "fears"._

 _E: As if it's that simple Aria!_

Deep down Emily knew she could never leave Alison behind no matter what because she is her one true love her soulmate.

 _A: You could try. Sometimes things are quite as simple as they seem. Please Emily Hanna is crazy about this trip for weeks. You can't do that to her._

 _E: I know- but it hurts so much just thinking about Paris._

 _A: You are strong Em I know you are. She broke you twice but you got up three times! You're the strongest person I know Em, please do it for Hanna._

 _E: All right all right you've got me. I'm back in. Thanks Aria I love you. We should meet after Paris._

 _A: I love you too Em, and we will! I have to go._

 _E: Take care see you soon._

 _A: Soon. Bye._

 **To Hanna:**

 **Sorry silly me I'm still in Han. I don't know what came over me.**

 **See you tomorrow.**

 **Love Em**

 **From Hanna:**

 **Lucky you I was about to drag your sorry ass to the airport either way.**

 **Can't wait**

 **xx Han**

Emily had to laugh because of Hanna's text. She is such an idiot but she loves her anyhow especially because of it. Hanna helps her every day to forget about the pain inside her heart. Every day Em's heart mends. Slow but it's a progress.

Alison

 _Alison closed her eyes and swallowed hard. Spencer could see she was fighting inside whether to tell her or not. "Ali you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." "I have to get this_ _off_ _my chest Spence", Alison said with still closed eyes. After another moment she continued. "It was a Saturday night, my parents weren't home some kind of business dinner nothing out of the ordinary. My brother invited some friends over. I knew they did drugs and drank a lot alcohol but I never thought..." She was fighting back tears_ _now_ _. Spencer took her hand and squeezed it lightly._

" _I was watching a movie as my door suddenly flew open. Three of his friends were standing in my room. They said I should join them but I refused. Big mistake." Her lips buil_ _t_ _a hard line and her free hand was clenched into a fist. Her knuckles went white from the pressure. Ali stumbled:" I..I.._

 _it happened so fast... next thing I knew two of the guys were holding me down_ _on_ _to the bed and the third was undoing my little cloth I worn." "Ali..I'm so sorry..".Spencer whispered with shocked eyes. "He said I shouldn't play innocent I would want it too. I tried to scream and kick him o_ _f_ _f but it was hopeless the two other boys were_ _much stronger and_ _holding me down._ _And Jason was stoned somewhere in the house._

" _What happened after you told your parents, the police?"_

" _Spencer..." Ali shook her head. "No she said with disbelieve, no Ali tell me you did talk about what happened to somebody?"_

 _Alison looked down on her hand which was still a fist "you don't understand I just couldn't" she said with clenched teeth._

 _Tears welled in her eyes she couldn't hold them back any more. Years of pain, anxiety and self-doubts came out in such a force. She hadn't dared to talk to someone about it because she was so embarrassed and sick of herself. Not even to Emily._

 _Spencer got up from her chair and pulled Ali in a tight hug. "It wasn't your fault Alison, don't you dare to challenge that!"_

 _Between loud sobs Alison muttered: "I provoked them...because I played hard to get. "No Ali nobody has the right to do things to you you don't want! These BASTARDS!_

Ever since then Alison changed. The girl she used to be was gone. She built up big walls around her heart and soul. She tried to forget the pain which was nearly impossible. Alison shot her feelings completely down to avoid getting hurt ever again. So she became the most popular, greatly feared girl in high school. She was Alison DiLaurents who didn't give a fuck about what people thought of her. If you show weakness or mercy people will let you down, that's what her father told her. And that's why she loved to have power over other people because once you control them they can't hurt you.

Over the years she knew exactly how to get her will. Secrets. Everybody had them and she was great in finding them. She learned how to read people like an open book. Every little detail of their body language, their facial expression and the way they talked showed her how she could take them down. She was charming and manipulative every girl wanting to be her and every guy wanting to date her.

She was skilled at finding ways to get back at everyone, and many people hated her in High School.

At the same time Alison has the gift to make people feel special. So either you love her or you hate her. In both cases she get what she wants. However, her parents saw her as the strong untouchable girl she pretended to be. Her whole life was an act and she was getting tired in holding up the façade. She felt like she couldn't breath whenever she was at home because it didn't feel like home. All she connected with home, were family issues, screaming and more screaming. She always came home late as she grew older, it didn't matter either way because her parents never noticed Alison presence. The attention her parents refused to give her, made her who she was back then. She needed to be the centre of attention to feel valued. She knew it's pathetic, but it worked until she met Emily Fields.

Her whole world turned upside-down on her first day in senior year...

"I have to go with CeCe to this fashion-show tomorrow night." she groaned exaggerative loud.

"And let me guess you're not really up to it but you promised her?" Spencer asked in an amused voice. "Exactly..." Alison shook her head with hands covering her eyes.

"I'm sorry for naming it Ali but if you'd promised her you have to go."

"I know Spence you're so clever, Alison said with a sarcastic undertone.

Spencer rolled her eyes but winked "I know that's why I'm working for you Hun. What will you wear anything in mind?"

Fashion was not really her thing. In high school she knew what was in and out but nowadays she simply doesn't care. She never really understands what people love about abstract mostly uncomfortable and ugly fashion. Furthermore this shit was so expensive and not convenient in everyday life. The models are all excessively skinny and looking like running skeletons but society things it's _normal._ And that's why everybody aims for perfection but perfection isn't defined by size 0 or in general by your outward appearance. Perfection comes from the inside. You are loved just for being who you are, just for existing. You don't have to do anything to earn it. Your shortcomings, your lack of self-esteem, physical perfection, or social and economic success - none of that matters. No one can take this love away from you, and it will always be here.

"No I don't actually but I'll get help form CeCe. She always finds the perfect outfit for me."

"I'm mad if I don't get a picture of you two tomorrow on the red carpet!" Spencer said faked offended.

"I promise you will. CeCe would kill me if we don't take pictures you know how she loves social media," Alison smiled.

"True. Ali can I ask you question?" Spencer asked.

Ali raised her eyebrows "Sure Spence whatever it is, you know that." Suddenly her best friend Spencer changed into her manger Spencer Hastings.

"I know your anonymity is your first priority." She pauses trying to find the right words.

"Spencer? Spit it out."

"But you know I have a lot interview, magazine and TV shows requests even some producers ask me if you consider making a film out of the story. It's crazy. Really. You have to agree on some of this but you can't keep your anonymity at the same time." Spencer sighed audible.

"I knew something like that would happen sooner or later Spencer. Don't worry I think I'm ready for publicity. I mean ready as I can be." She smiled encouraging.

"Okay, is all Spencer could say at the moment. Wondering if Alison was really prepared for whatever the future was holding ready.


End file.
